Monster
by RazorKisses
Summary: His kisses were beginning to become uncomfortably forceful. I pressed my hands against his bare chest, trying to shove him away enough to catch my breath...
1. Chapter One

_His little whispers  
"Love me. Love me."  
That's all I ask for  
"Love me. Love me."_

His breath tickled my neck as he whispered sweet nothings to me and kissed me gently. How had I gotten here, on this ratty old bed that belonged to neither of us? The combination of music from downstairs, his breathing, and my heartbeat deafened me as I lay there, trying to remember his name.

"I love you." He whispered almost too softly for me to hear. I nodded, licking my lips before kissing him back. "I love you." He said again, as if confirming it to himself. Sweat was forming on his forehead, but it didn't bother me enough to stop myself from moving in on him again. He smirked a little as he peeled off his shirt. His sticky body made me want his touch even more. I got my wish as he reached for my shirt. I started to stop him but he shook his head and continued to take it off.

"Slow down." I whispered sweetly in his ear although I knew that I had no intentions of having sex with him.

_He battered his tiny fists to feel something  
Wondered what it's like to touch and feel something_

His fists were clenched but he nodded reluctantly and ran his hand down my face and neck. His hair tickled my nose as he kissed my neck more. I smiled as his sweaty, sticky body met my bare skin. After a few seconds though, his hands met my pants and he fumbled with the belt I had on.

_Monster. How should I feel?  
Creatures lie here  
Looking through the windows_

"No." I said simply as I tried to sit up a little. The weight of his body pushed me back down against the bed. I sighed as he nodded again, seeming to agree with my demands. His kisses were beginning to become uncomfortably forceful. I pressed my hands against his bare chest, trying to shove him away enough to catch my breath.

_That night he caged her  
Bruised and broke her_

He came back at me even stronger before I could fully catch my breath. I coughed and pulled away, trying to get his mouth off of mine long enough to breathe. He wouldn't give me time though; he kept pushing on me more and more forcefully, his body crushing me with his weight. I managed to free my hands and push against his chest once more, but this time it didn't faze his at all. Frantically, I dug my fingernails into his chest, hoping desperately that he would let me up.

_He struggled closer_

He shoved my hands away from him but that only made me more frantic. I began kicking at him, but he straddled me and pulled away for a second. I coughed again, breathing deeply, thankful for the break. But before I could fully regain my breathing, he grabbed for my belt again. I pushed at him, trying to get him off of me but it didn't work.

"Stop!" I said, my voice cracking. He smirked at me again, stopping for a few seconds and just watching me. I shook beneath him, wondering if he was really going to stop.

"I can't." Was all he said before pushing me down harder against the bed. He managed to undo part of my belt before I began hitting him again. He made an annoyed sound but continued, ignoring me. I heard my belt hit the wooden floor and froze for a second before completely losing it. I slapped him across the face, something I'd never done to anybody before.

"Bitch." He muttered, rubbing his cheek. Before I could process what was happening, he raised his hand and struck me back harder. I cried out in pain, shaking harder. He grabbed both of my tiny wrists in one hand and held them down above my head as he tried to undo my pants with one hand. My cries did no good as he successfully pulled them off. I laid there, in nothing more than my bra and underwear, his body still straddling mine.

"Please-" I started while he removed one of my last bits of clothing. I struggled beneath him, fighting as hard as I physically could. The music from downstairs was so loud, I couldn't even hear myself screaming as he started. I felt a sharp pain, then hot tears rolling down my cheeks.

_Then he stole her_

"Stop." I cried, as he grabbed my wrists harder. His weight was crushing my ankles, obviously being sure that I could no longer kick him. He continued as if I weren't even there, using my body as a prop. I stayed as silent as possible. After about five minutes, what seemed liked hours, he finally stopped. He sighed deeply, obviously pleased with himself.

_Violet wrists and then her ankles. Silent pain  
Then he slowly saw their nightmares were his dreams_

"You were great." He whispered in my ear, releasing my sore wrists. I didn't attempt to move as he got up and began dressing. "Get dressed or you're going to miss the rest of the party downstairs." He said, throwing my clothes at me.

_Monster. How should I feel?  
Creatures lie here  
Looking through the windows  
I will hear their voices  
I'm a glass child  
I am Hannah's regrets_

I laid there, unable to move even after he had left to return to the party downstairs. I had just lost my virginity to a man I didn't even know. Hell, I couldn't even remember his name. I pulled the twisted sheet from the bed around my exposed body. My body and mind went numb as I listened to the music from downstairs.

_Monster. How should I feel?_

_Turn the sheets down  
Murder ears with pillow lace  
There's bath tubs  
Full of glow flies  
Bathe in kerosene  
Their words tattooed in his veins_

I finally decided to move, wanting to get back downstairs before anybody started to worry. My friend wasn't a big drinker like his boyfriend was, so he was more than likely sober enough to worry and come looking for me and if he did, I didn't want him to walk in on me like this. I gained my composure and stood, my legs feeling weak. I slowly made my way to the bathroom across the hall and got in the shower. I stood there, the cold water numbing my skin, as I tried to remember his name. It was as if if I knew his name, it would some how make it okay in my mind. Monster.

(((Song lyrics by Meg and Dia-"Monster")))


	2. Chapter 2

"El, breakfast is ready." Marco sung as he opened my door. I lifted my head and looked around, realizing I was in my own bed. Sweat drenched my entire body and the sheets around me had been kicked in every imaginable direction and were hardly covering me anymore.

"Huh?" I whispered, hardly coherent enough to understand what he had said the first time. He laughed and pulled the covers away from me. I immediately tensed up and grabbed for the covers back. My mind flashed for a second to last night's events.

"God, El." Marco dropped the covers, letting me pull them back over my now shaking body. I stared blankly at him as he stood there, watching me with concern. I swallowed hard, wondering what he was thinking.

"What?" I asked, pulling the blankets closer around my already sweaty body. He moved closer to me and sat on the edge of my bed. His hand gently touched my face and I felt a sharp pain. I pulled away from him and got out of bed. Standing in front of my mirror, I finally saw what had concerned him.

"How the hell did that happen?" He asked. I shrugged, feeling my heart speed up. Stay calm, El. Just stay calm.

"Uh, this guy at the party last night, we were dancing and I guess he had too many because he elbowed me in the face." Lie. I ran a hand through my hair, hoping that he would believe me. After a few moments of awkward silence, Marco finally burst out laughing, a sign that he believed me.

"Ellie Nash? Dancing? Well, somebody was just bound to get hurt then." He smirked, shaking his head. I smiled and pushed him towards the door. "Hey, what about breakfast? I slaved over a hot stove for you and Dylan and then he tells me he's too hung over to eat and you are kicking me out?" He whined with mock hurt.

"Marco, I would like to change if that's alright." I laughed, giving him one last shove towards the door. He sighed and put his hands up in the air as if defeated.

As soon as I was sure he was gone, I took my sweatshirt and pants off and gazed in the mirror at the few scratch marks and bruises that covered my body and the especially dark ones around each of my wrists. I leaned back against the wall and slid down until I was sitting. I covered my face with my hands, tears slowly running down my face. I lay there for awhile, in nothing more than my bra and underwear as I silently broke down.

"El, you better not have fallen back asleep in there." Marco said, awakening me from my thoughts. I cleared my throat and pushed myself to my feet.

"I'll be right out, Marco." I called, dressing as quickly as I could. I pulled on a t-shit and was just about to walk out when I realized that my wrists were fully visible. I couldn't walk out in a sweatshirt in the summertime so I began rummaging through my closet and grabbed my old arm warmers. I hadn't worn them in forever. I shrugged and hurried out to the kitchen where I saw Marco trying to get Dylan to try a bite of his egg.

"What's up with the high school wardrobe?" Marco asked, raising an eyebrow at me. He shot Dylan a worried look. I knew what they were thinking. They thought I had cut myself. I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

"I know what it looks like, but I didn't. I swear." I said, looking them both in the eyes. "Just because **he **didn't call, you think I would automatically do that again? I'm not stupid, I've worked too hard to get this far." They both looked at me and nodded.

"You're right. I just wanted to be sure..." His voice trailed off. "You know, why don't we go shopping? A little belated birthday shopping for you?" He asked, smiling. I shrugged and nodded, sitting across from them. Marco was right, maybe getting out of the house wouldn't be such a terrible idea.


	3. Chapter 3

"El, come on. Please, can't I just come in for a second?" He begs as I crank up my stereo. "Oh, that's real mature." He yells over my music. I wait for a few more seconds to be sure Marco is gone before I go back to my bed. I bury myself under the sheets and yell until my lungs are soar.

My stupid cell phone is ringing nonstop next to me. I grab it without even looking at the ID before throwing it against the wall across the room. I curse at myself for completely freaking out on Marco, he didn't have anything to do with any of this but I guess it was my way of coping.

"_El, are you sure you're alright? You seem kind of off today." Marco says, snapping me out of my zone-out. I look at him and nod slowly and then go back to zoning out. He looks at me worriedly and I can feel his eyes burning into me, trying to process what I'm feeling and thinking but I put up a wall between us and look out the window._

_He finally stops the car in the driveway and undoes his seatbelt. I do the same and am about to get out when he grabs my arm and pulls me back. I pull away, my arm being soar, and look at him puzzled. _

"_You've been my best friend since, what, grade nine? I can tell when something is bothering you." That much was true, somehow he was the only person who could ever truly tell when something was wrong. Even Sean, my mom, and Ashley, none of them had that ability like Marco did._

"_Well, you know my party last night? I met this guy and he was so sweet Marco-" He interrupts me before I can finish. _

_  
"Wait, wait. Stop right there. Is that where you disappeared to last night? The guy you were dancing with, clumsily I might add." He asks, smiling widely. I scratch the back of my neck nervously. _

"_No, Marco you don't understand-" He cuts me off again._

"_No, don't even try to get out of this one, El. You guys went upstairs last night, didn't you?" He didn't let me answer before continuing. "Okay, that's it. Give me complete details. Did you kiss?" He pauses for a second and goes on. "Oh my god, you kissed! Okay, did you do anything more? First base, second base?" He egged me on, pleading for details._

"_Marco..." He suddenly got serious and his smile faded. His mouth drops a little in awe. He quickly clears his throat and goes back to being supportive Marco. _

"_Oh...you guys...Oh. Well, that's okay. I mean, as long as you were sure. El, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. A lot of people meet somebody new and just get caught up in the moment... It doesn't make you a bad person or anything if that's what you think." He bites his lip nervously; unsure if what he said was comforting enough. _

"_I thought you were Christian? In your eyes I'm going to hell, aren't I?" I say, trying to lighten the mood a little. Marco couldn't know the truth, it would only worry him more. He chuckles softly and shakes his head before answering my question._

"_Nah, and even if you do go to hell, I guess I'll be seeing you there." He says, referring to the fact that him and Dylan had had sex before. "So tell me, was it magical? Was your first experience one to remember?" He asks, making me squirm in my seat a little. If only he knew how much I would remember that night._

"_Yeah, it was great, Marco." I lie, playing with the zipper on my jacket. He smiles and kisses my forehead before getting out of the car. I get out and follow behind, my feet soar after a long day of shopping._

"_You have no idea how big this is El. I mean, your **first** time." He emphasizes, holding the door for me. He wraps an arm around my shoulder as we walk into our apartment. Dylan is sitting on the couch, screaming at the television set. I exchange glances with Marco and we both chuckle a little. _

"_Dylan, I have great news." My jaw drops a little and I nudge Marco, quickly shaking my head. "Come on, El. You can trust Dylan. It'll just be between us three, right Dylan?" He doesn't answer; he is still too wrapped up with whatever he is watching._

"_Marco..." I plead a little but then sigh and nod at his puppy dog face. He smiles and grabs the remote off of the counter and flips the television off. Dylan goes into a complete fit, jumping off of the couch and running to Marco to turn it back on._

"_Marco, it's 3 to 4, two minutes to go! We are behind; I am begging you to turn it back on! Whatever the news is, I'll hear it after the game. Please, Marco!"_

"_Turn it back on, Marco. We don't want him to have a heart attack-" I'm interrupted by my cell phone going off. I pick it up, not thinking to look who was calling._

"_El, hey." I almost drop my bag from shopping that I'm still hanging onto. I carefully set it down and walk into the kitchen for some privacy but of course, Marco can tell something is wrong and follows me._

"_Who is it?" Marco mouths to me._

"_Jackass." I mouth back. He nods, knowing who I am talking about. _

"_Oh, wow, you remembered my phone number? I thought you forgot it since you never called last night." I can tell that I'm on the verge of losing my temper and he hasn't even said anything besides "hey"._

"_Look, you have to let me explain-" He says but I cut him off._

"_No, you know what, I don't have to do anything. It was my birthday, and all I wanted was you to call and wish me happy birthday. You told me that you would call, you promised you would call." I yell, causing Marco to jump a little. "You know what? Screw you, because I have people that actually care about me. I don't need you." I hang up on him and slam my phone on the kitchen table._

"_Don't you think that was a little harsh?" Marco asks, biting his lip. I laugh a little, wondering if he is serious. _

"_Are you kidding me? A little harsh? What's harsh is him promising to call me on my birthday, leading me on, and then completely crushing any feelings I had for him." _

"_And to get back at him you have sex with somebody you meet at a party?" He asks and immediately covers his mouth. He shakes his head and tries to hug me but I push him away from me. "Ellie, I'm sorry. That isn't what I meant at all. It's just that it's not something that you would do, you know? It's just-" _

"_No, I don't know. Two seconds ago you thought it was the greatest thing that's happened to me and now you think I'm some kind of slut. I guess I don't totally understand, Marco, so no, I don't know. I guess I should call him back and correct him, huh?" I yell, grabbing my phone although I have no intention of calling him back._

"_What are you talking about?" He asks, obviously confused._

"_I told him I've got people here that actually care about me. Guess I was mistaken." I say softly, turning on one foot and hurrying into my room but not before grabbing something from the refrigerator. Marco hurries after me and knocks but I don't answer. He opens the door without an invitation and looks at me as if I'd gone crazy._

"_What the hell do you think you're doing? That's Dylan's." He says, referring to the vodka I'd stolen from the fridge. I shrug before taking a long drink. It burns my throat and takes me back to when I was fourteen and I would take little sips of my mother's vodka, trying to understand why she liked it so much. Never really understood until the first time I'd gotten drunk about a month and a half ago at a college party. Sure, I was underage, but it didn't matter to me. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time._

"_Get out." I say coldly, taking another long drink. Marco tries to grab the bottle from me but I refuse and gently shove him away from me. I desperately take another long drink, fearing that he'll succeed in taking it from me._

"_What is your problem?" He yells, something that he doesn't do very often. I put up an even bigger fight when he grabs a hold of the bottle. I can tell he's trying to stay calm, trying to be the supportive Marco, but he can't stop himself because I'm being such a bitch._

_I'm not sure if it's from the alcohol I've already had or if it's because I'm on the verge of a meltdown but I start screaming at him, calling him every name in the book. Nothing seems to faze him though, and he won't stop fighting me for my bottle of vodka. _

"_Ellie, just give me-" He starts, trying to pry it from my hands. I grab it back from him and push him so hard that he slams into the wall and falls to the floor._

"_Marco, I-" I start, trying to help him up but he pushes me away from him. He looks at me hurt and shakes his head._

"_Don't, El. Just...don't." He says softly before slamming the door behind him. I take another drink of vodka that I'd fought so hard for and for some reason it tastes better. With each drink that I take, it tastes better. Soon I'm lying on my bed, soaking my pillow with mascara tears. Marco returns after a half-hour or so and that is when I get up and turn my stereo up so I can't hear him. _

I hear a knock on my door through the loud music. "Marco, I said leave me alone!" I yell, pulling the sheet over my head. I hear somebody open the door and whoever it is sits next to me on the bed. I pull my knees up to my chest, and pull the sheet down to see who it is.

"You'd think you'd have gotten the hint when I hung up on you." I say, not able to look


	4. Chapter 4

**Buried way beneath the sheets I think she's having a melt down **

"Hey," I say hesitantly, trying to get comfortable on her bed. She glares at me before turning over, refusing to look at me. I scratched my neck nervously. I should have known she wasn't going to make this easy for either of us. Marco had tried to warn me before I'd gone in her room but I figured she was just being the typical, stubborn Ellie that I knew.

"Look, I know that you're pissed at me. I should have called you last night, okay? But I was busy, really busy. I was getting your birthday present, El. You're really going to love it." I said. I doubted that she would buy it but it was the honest truth.

"So busy that you couldn't call? Or was it that you went to see _her _again?" She asked harshly. I sighed and shook my head. I grabbed her arm and tried to pull her closer to me. She needed to know that I had no interest in my ex anymore. "Don't touch me!" She screamed, looking at me for the first time.

**Finding it hard to fall asleep she won't let anyone help her**

"How'd that happen?" I asked, seeing the bruise on her face. She dropped her gaze quickly and shook her head. "I said how did that happen?" I tried to touch her face but she pulled away from me before I could even get close.

**The look on her face a waste of time she won't let go gonna roll the dice**

"I told you not to fucking touch me!" She screamed, flying out of bed. I then realized she was in nothing more than a large tee shirt and her pink underwear. I couldn't help myself; I looked her up and down. I hadn't seen her in such a long time; I missed being close to her. I missed those late nights in the apartment. My eyes then landed upon her ankles which were bruised then to her wrists, which were also bruised. She had a few other random bruises that were visible but none nearly as dark as the ones on her wrists and ankles.

I quickly got up and followed her across the room. Marco was right, something was definitely wrong. She wasn't acting like herself, and it wasn't just the alcohol. "What happened? Did someone do that to you? Did somebody hit you?" I asked, holding her by her shoulders. I would kill somebody if they had touched her, and I mean anybody.

"I fell." She said, shaking her head and tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. I could feel her body shake as I watched her fight off tears. "Let me go." She begged softly, trying to pull away. I shook my head, still holding her shoulders. She began getting frantic when I refused. "Get away from me, you fucking bastard. Get off of me!" Her cries soon turned into violent screams. She acted as if I was hurting her. "Stop! Marco! Please, stop!"

**Loosing her grace starts to cry I feel her pain when I look in her eyes**

Marco must have heard her screams because within seconds he came bursting through the door, looking at both of us. It probably did looked bad, I was holding a bruised and screaming Ellie against the wall by her shoulders but I was sure Marco knew I wouldn't hurt her.

"Marco...please help me. Please st-stop." She said between cries. I let her go and she immediately fell to the floor. Marco ran over and held her, looking up at me confused. I returned the look and shook my head, confirming that I had no idea what was going on.

"It's going to be alright, El. It's going to be alright." Marco soothed, holding her tight in his arms. I swallowed hard, wondering why she felt comfortable with Marco and not with me?

**I want to be I want everything, I want everything**

"Look, I'm sorry. I just-" I said, kneeling down on the floor to be at Ellie and Marco's level. She pulled away from Marco and I and stood, swaying slightly. She looked frantic, scared, as she backed away from me and ran for the door.

"Ellie!" Marco yelled after her, starting towards the door. I grabbed his arm and pulled him back. "What are you doing? We have to go after her." He said frantically.

"No, leave her." I said, running a hand through my hair.

(((This is going to be a two-part with the song and will continue in the next chapter. The song is "Everything" by Buckcherry.)))


	5. Chapter 5

**Somewhere she is on the streets trying to make things better**

I shivered as I ran out into the cool night air, trying to clear my mind. I had no idea where I was going but I couldn't stop walking. After awhile I realized I was standing outside The Dot. I sighed and walked in, hoping it would be at least warm. Of course there were high school students everywhere since it was a late Saturday night. I ignored them and picked the corner booth where I could be left alone. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my head on them. I took a deep breath, trying my hardest to calm myself down.

**Praying to God and breathing deep gotta break this long obsession**

"Hello, welcome to The Dot. May I take your-" Spinner stopped when he realized who I was. "Ellie, hey! I haven't seen you in forever. How's college been?" He asked, looking relieved to have somebody to talk to. "Do you want something?"

I raised my eyebrow at the fact that he hadn't let me get a word in edgewise. I dug my hand into my pocket and pulled out a dollar and three pennies, it was all I had. "I'll have a coffee, black."

"As Paige always said, black like your soul." Spinner teased, walking away. When he returned, he set two cups of coffee on the table. I sat up a little straighter, annoyed. I wasn't in the mood for company.

"Um, Spin. I know math was never your strong subject, not that any subject was your strong subject, but when I ordered _a_ cup of coffee...I didn't mean two." I said, hoping he'd take a hint.

"Ouch, Nash. I see college hasn't changed you a bit. So, you want to talk about whatever's going on with you?" He asked, sitting down across from me. I sighed; he just wasn't going to leave me alone. "Look, I'm pretty sure I know why you're pissed off but seriously, he wasn't worth it. You have to move on. Trust me, I know a lot about dating disasters."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, taking a sip of my coffee.

"You don't have to play dumb, I was there. I know what happened, and it sucks." My heart sped up, what was he talking about? Did he know about what happened? I stayed silent, hoping he would continue. "You know, about Sean and Emma."

**The look on her face a waste of time she won't let go gonna roll the dice**

"Excuse me?" I started to feel my cheeks growing red. I hated hearing their names in the same sentence. Spinner looked surprised by my reaction.

"Well yeah, everybody knows about what happened. That night at the ravine...come on, ringing any bells? I know that you're pissed but I thought that it would take longer than a couple nights to get over it." My face must have showed my utter confusion because he bit his lip. "Well, I _thought_ everybody knew. You know, I should probably get back to work. So, uh, seeya."

"Spin, sit down. You are not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on." He sat back down obediently, like he was scared of me or maybe scared of what my reaction would be to what he was about to tell me.

"Look, don't shoot the messenger, okay? You know that night when you had your party, well Jay and I left early to go to the ravine. Well Jay met some chick and went to get in the van but he walked in on Emma with...Sean and they were, you know." He swallowed hard, waiting for my reaction.

"The night of my birthday. He told me he was shopping for my birthday present so he couldn't make it to the party." I said calmly. Spinner pushed the money between us that I'd set out for my coffee back towards me.

"Coffee is on me. I've gotta get back to work, sorry El. By the way, what happened to your face?" He asked, turning back towards me.

"I ran into this door, okay actually this door ran into me. Never understood the point of swinging doors." I laughed nervously and this made him crack up. He was still in hysterics as he left and walked back into the kitchen.

**Loosing her grace starts to cry I feel her pain when I look in her eyes**

I just stared at the coffee in front of me, unable to believe it. Sean was having sex with Emma while I was being- I felt a few tears threatening to fall but I rubbed at my eyes casually and tried to cover it up. I rested my head back on my knees and let a few tears escape my eyes.

"It sucks." I heard a familiar voice say. I wiped my eyes and looked up to see who I least expected. "I wasn't eavesdropping or anything, I've been in the booth next to you and I overheard Spin talking. I'm sorry, El."

"Craig, I haven't seen you in forever. I didn't even know you were out of rehab. You should have called." I said, hugging him. He hugged me back and sat next to me in the booth. I rested my head on his shoulder gently. "I missed you, Craig. You didn't even write me."

"Um, I didn't really think that you wanted to hear from me after what I did. I treated you like shit, El but it was the drugs. I just wanted to apologize for everything that I put you through. For everything." He repeated, meaning the kiss. "So how have you been lately?"

"Well, I just found out that my boyfriend or wanna-be boyfriend had sex with Emma Nelson on my birthday so, you know, I've been better." I smiled, and Craig nodded slowly. "Sorry, I shouldn't talk about this. It doesn't have anything to do with you."

**I want to be I want everything, I want everything**

"No, it's okay. Sean was blind if he did that to you. Anybody who would choose somebody else over you has to be either on drugs or insane. I think I fell into both those categories a couple months ago but now, I'm better. Look, I know you are still probably unbelievably pissed at me and I understand that. But if you ever decide to forgive me, I'll be waiting." He squeezed my hand and it surprised me when he didn't let go of my hand. I pulled it back and scooted further from him. "Okay, so not yet I guess." He said, sounding disappointed.

**If I had everything would I still want to be alive or want to be high **

"No, it's not that. It's just, no touching. Not yet, okay?" I swallowed hard, trying to slow my heart. He nodded and smiled at me. "I missed you, Craig. I really did."

"So what really happened to your face?" He asked, inspecting it. I bit my lip and laughed.

**Now and then she talks to me and sometimes writes me letters**

"Yeah, a little mishap with a door. Not a big deal." I said, letting my hair hang over my face to cover it up. He nodded as if he didn't believe me.

"From Manny, I could believe that. But you? Not so believable, El. Look, did Sean-" He started but I quickly shook my head.

"No! Look, nothing happened. It was a stupid door and I was stupid, okay? It's not a big deal so just leave it alone." I said, raising my voice. He nodded and dropped the subject quickly. "I know that you are probably busy and stuff and I really hate to ask you this but...I need a place to stay for tonight. Marco and I got into this fight and I can't go back tonight. It will only be until morning, I swear."

"Of course, El. It'll give us time to catch up and everything. Come on; let's get out of here." I nodded and smiled, but I couldn't help but feel a bit of nervousness. I hadn't seen Craig since he had been recovering from being high, about to leave for rehab. And after what happened, spending the night with a guy made me even more nervous. Even though I trusted Craig, it was going to be a hard night to get through.

**Your eyes, never close your eyes open up your mind and you can have everything **

Song by BuckCherry and no, the story isn't over! Sorry it's taken me so long to update.


	6. Chapter 6

"So on a scale of one to ten, how much do you hate me right now?" Craig asked, handing me a fuzzy blanket before joining me on his couch. I swallowed hard, scooting away from him a little bit. How was I supposed to answer a question like that?

"I don't hate you. You leaving sucked, but there is no way I could hate you, Craig." I said softly, tucking a piece of my red hair behind my ear. Craig nodded slowly, tapping his fingers on hip lap uncomfortably. "So, how was rehab?" I blurted out, desperate to break the awkward silence. He looked at me surprised but regained his composure quickly.

"Um… I guess it was… good?" He stumbled, searching for the right answer. "No, actually it really sucked but it was totally worth it. Now I'm back and I know what I want, my priorities are back in order." He said, smiling at me. I cocked my head to the side in confusion but nodded in agreement.

"Well, that's great. I'm proud of you," I stuttered as he leaned in closer to me. "that you figured out your priorities. You know, it's late I should really get some sleep." I rambled, hoping he'd back off but he didn't. He continued to lean in, his lips inches away from mine and his hand moving slowly up my thigh. My heart sped up and I couldn't slow it down. "Craig stop!" I yelled, pushing him away from me.

"El, I'm so sorry. God, I'm such an idiot!" He said, throwing his head back against the couch. I covered my mouth with my hand, trying to catch my breath and calm down. He looked at me, concerned. "I know I rushed it, but I'm not that bad of a kisser." He said, noticing my frightened reaction. "Are you okay? You don't look so good."

"Craig, I really don't feel good. Can you call Marco for me and tell him to come and pick me up? I need to use your bathroom!" I said, practically running for the bathroom. Once in I slammed the door shut, sliding down until I was sitting. Tears threatened to fall from my eyes as I heard Craig knock gently on the door.

"El, are you sick? I just called Marco, he'll be here in a little bit to pick you up. Do you need anything? Crackers, water, anything?" He asked gently. I covered my mouth to muffle my cries and tried to calm myself down enough to answer him.

"No, I just need to be alone right now I'm really sick. Thanks, Craig." I stayed in the bathroom, waiting for Marco to come. After awhile, I heard Craig talking to someone and I knew it was Marco. I waited for him to come and check on me like I knew he would.

"Ellie, can I come in? It's Marco." He spoke softly, I could tell he was concerned. When I didn't answer, he opened the door slowly and found me crying against the wall. "We're going to go home, okay?" He asked, picking me up off of the floor and getting me to my feet. I buried my face in his shoulder as we walked out of Craig's house. I knew Craig thought I was crazy, but hopefully I could explain myself another time.

We finally got to our house, I prayed that Sean and Dylan were both gone but I was only half-lucky. Dylan met us at the door, looking at us nervously. "Don't ask, just help me get her to her room." Marco ordered. Dylan nodded and grabbed my other arm, I still crying hysterically. Marco and Dylan sat me on my bed, wrapping a blanket around me. "Can you give us some privacy?" Marco asked. Dylan nodded and quickly exited the bedroom. "We need to talk, now."

"I can't, Marco." I cried, wrapping my arms around his waist. He hugged me back sympathetically, unsure of what to do to make me talk.

"I love you, Ellie. Please, just tell me what is going on. I promise I won't get mad. I can't help you unless you talk to me"

"Sometimes it feels like I can't breath, Marco. It's like it suffocates me and I keep wanting it to go away but it's always there. Every single minute of every single day, it just keeps happening over and over. Marco, I think I'm going crazy." I admitted, out of breath. "I can't take this anymore." I squeaked, pulling on my hair.

"What keeps happening?" He asked, taking my hands in his.

"I tried, Marco. I tried so hard and I fought him but he wouldn't stop. Everything I tried, it only made it worse. Nobody could hear me screaming and then he did it and I let him. I let him do this to me." I could feel my body shaking, I knew I had reached my breaking point. "He raped me and I couldn't stop him. I should have stopped him!"

Marco's face dropped in horror as he pulled me in closer to him. He couldn't say anything, but his actions spoke louder than anything he could have said at that moment. He laid down next to me, tears surfacing his eyes. I knew at that moment why I had confessed to Marco and not to anybody else. He showed me more love than anybody else in the world, and I could genuinely trust him. We fell asleep together, my body trembling against his.


End file.
